Supporting someone you care about
You may care deeply and still feel unsure what to say. Start with listening and the kind of help the person would welcome, with support for you as well.
Being alongside someone can be a useful start.
You can listen without judging, ask what would help and offer manageable practical support. Try to understand their experience rather than testing or labeling them.
You may not be able to provide all the help they need. Professional support and your own boundaries can be part of caring for someone.
Based on NHS · Every Mind Matters
Support they can choose, with help for you too.
- Listen
Time and attention without judgment
- Ask
What kind of help would they welcome?
- Connect
Professional or urgent support when needed
- Your boundaries
What can you realistically offer?
Begin with an invitation, not an explanation of their diagnosis.
A fictional opening: “I have noticed things seem difficult. Would you like to talk, or would another kind of help be useful?” Leave room for their answer rather than deciding what they must feel.
Ordinary company or a practical task may be welcome when a long conversation is not. Ask what fits.
Fictional examples to explain an experience. They are not a checklist or a diagnosis.
Based on NHS
You can ask directly and take the answer seriously.
NIMH recommends asking directly whether someone is thinking about suicide, listening without judgment, helping them connect with support and staying in touch. Asking about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior.
If safety is uncertain, contact a crisis service or professional for help. You do not have to predict risk or handle an emergency on your own. Immediate danger needs emergency help.
What kind of support could you offer?
Options to discuss with them, rather than signs used to diagnose them.
Listening
Time to listen without rushing toward an answer.
Practical help
Help with an ordinary task, if they would welcome it.
Reaching care
Company while they contact a service or attend an appointment.
Staying in touch
A way to stay in touch that is realistic for both of you.
Based on NHS · Every Mind Matters
You can offer a specific kind of help.
These are options to agree together, not steps for assessing someone’s risk.
Listen
Give time and ask what they want you to understand.
Offer practical help
Suggest a manageable task or company at an appointment.
Ask preferences
Check what they want shared and who they want involved.
Agree a check-in
Ask whether and how they would like you to follow up.
Support their conversation; do not score them.
If they want help, you can offer to look at care routes together or accompany them. Ask how they would like you involved.
Selfmora does not provide a questionnaire for diagnosing another person from your answers. You can bring a concern to a professional without deciding what condition it represents.
Based on NHS · Every Mind Matters · NIMH
- 1What have you noticed?
An observation, without assuming a diagnosis.
- 2What would they welcome?
Listening, practical help or company for a care conversation.
- 3What can you realistically offer?
An option that leaves room for your own support needs.
Help with access can be more useful than choosing a label.
You might help find a service, write a question or attend an appointment if invited. Ask the service about supporter involvement and privacy rather than assuming access to records.
You can share a concern with an appropriate professional, while understanding that they may not be able to share someone else’s confidential information back.
Listening and professional care can sit alongside each other.
Explore the options and ask what fits your circumstances and needs.
Based on NHS · Every Mind Matters · NIMH · NHS
Urgent concerns should not be carried by one supporter alone.
If someone is in immediate danger or cannot keep themselves safe, use local emergency or urgent mental health services. If you are worried about suicide, asking directly and listening without judgment is supported by NIMH guidance.
Do not use a reassuring questionnaire score to decide that urgent help is unnecessary. Selfmora cannot monitor the situation or send help.
Your limits and health belong in the plan too.
Be clear about what you can offer and when you are available. Other people and professional services may need to share the support.
If you feel overwhelmed, seek support for yourself. Caring about someone does not make you solely responsible for their recovery or safety.
- Care for your own needs
Explore practical load, breaks and support.
- Supporting a child
Read age-appropriate listening and care information.
Find support. Prepare your next step.
Explore a tool, prepare a conversation or find someone to talk to. Choose what feels useful to you.
Use the free guides to learn what to expect or find someone to talk to. If you need urgent help, go straight to the country-labeled support contacts.
Find urgent supportPrepare for a conversation
A few prompts to help you explain what you have noticed and what you would like help with.
- A simple notes builder
- Copy your notes to keep
- No account needed
You decide how much to write and share.
Find your wordsFind your next kind of support
Explore where to begin with everyday support, professional help or an urgent conversation.
- Ways to ask for help
- Country-specific crisis contacts
- Support at your own pace
If you need urgent help, go straight to support.
Find supportYour first sentence does not need to be perfect.
You could say you have time to listen, ask what would make today easier or offer company for a call. Let them know what you can realistically do.
Based on NHS · Every Mind Matters
“I have noticed things seem difficult and I care about you. Would you like me to listen, help with something practical or sit with you while you contact support?”Make it sound like you
Your questions, with room for nuance.
You can read just the answer you need.
Do I need to know what diagnosis they have?
No. You can listen, ask preferences and offer practical help without deciding on a diagnosis.
Based on NHS
What if they do not want to talk now?
Leave room for another time or a different form of support. Immediate safety concerns need appropriate urgent help rather than waiting for a conversation.
Can I promise to keep everything secret?
Do not promise secrecy where safety may require help. Ask professionals about privacy and information-sharing limits.
What if I cannot keep providing the same support?
Explain your limits and seek shared or professional support. Your own health and practical needs matter too.
Based on NHS
Where this information comes from.
Use this hub to learn and prepare questions. It does not diagnose you or recommend a personal treatment plan. By Selfmora editorial; sources checked . Updated .
Additional explanations and examples: sources consulted . Examples illustrate ideas; they do not assess your personal health. Your questions
- Helping others with mental health problems
- Five action steps to help someone having thoughts of suicide
- Where to get urgent help for mental health · England
- Mental health assessments